How to be a clubkid superstar in london town?
London is the only city in the world where anybody can become somebody. Follow these ten easy steps to become a very, very important person.
One.
First impressions are preponderand. Your initial steps into the velvet underground of london club scene need to be absolutely fab. Leave your scrubby converse home,because tonight you can be ANYBODY.crank it up. This outfit needs to be haute-consept and shockhorror.
Bigger better more more.
Two.
Always keep your make-up bag well stocked with the stuff. It can be used to stick anything from false lashes to toy cars to your face.
Three.
Your name is important aspect of your ensemble. After all, it will be appreating on many a guestlists. Pastiche,irony, bad puns and self mythology all make for a fab tag. You could be tommy rave, dick danger or princess harry-go-lighty.
Four.
As a clubkid superstar, you are more likely to find suitable accessories in a hardware store than shop( cause everyone knows that a vintage telephone makes a rather fetching hat!)
Five.
Never ever try to out-smart or out-bitch the clipboard nazi working the door. That creature wearing one off gareth-pugh has earned their post as a door host. That clipboard is a medal of honour.
Their guest list and drink tokens are tickets to a neon-lit otherworld.
Six.
Daywear is as important as your evening get up. Popping out to buy a pint of milk should be full of confrontation. When stepping onto london public transport pause dramatically, sigh and declare loudly“ Everybody. I am having... A Fashion Moment.“
Seven.
Gatecrash london fashion week. Find Mand Lennard PR( she runs this town) shower her air kisses, snap your fingers and shout „workit“ pout your way to the front row and in one of the seats.when people arrive start complaining. A bit of front-row drama always gets the flashbulbs popping and tongues wagging.
Eight.
You gotta have a gimmick. Even a clubkid superstar needs their raison d’etre. Tell people you are a ’perfomance artist. When you get roped into performing at a warehouse, dont panic. Burst balloons filled with chocolate milk over yourself whilst lip-synching to Mariah Carey, dressed as a hamburger. The crowd will be raptured, it will be a youtube hit in days and will look fantastic on your myspace.
Nine.
Dont dream it. Be it
Ten.
Follow these steps and you will be no doubt a clubkid superstar. Enjoy limitless possibilities, your own columns edc. You may not get laid, but you will be adored.
Congrats
For your courageous fashion efforts, you have now become a clubkid superstar
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